I have an art studio and gallery. Small "s" and small "g." Small everything.
Beautiful art. When was the last time you heard that from a contemporary artist?
I deal with the public as I sit at my work table and make my art. People come in and browse. This is fine. I want them there. They are welcome. Most of them are simply lovely. They look around, ask some questions, and then demonstrate what my husband and I have come to know as "the gasp" when they learn that what they are visualizing is made out of fabric. They are The Gaspers and I love them. Dearly. I have regulars who don't gasp anymore, but when they come by they observe the new Gaspers with the same delight that we do. They know it is coming and it is always fun. This part never gets old.
Then there are the ones with no name. I shall not name them either. They shall forever be known as Those Which Defy Description, for our purposes here. TWDD, for the sake of expediency and in keep of today's tendency to turn all of life into an acronym that usually stands for an unnecessarily long name that must be so if it is to be politically correct. Clearly not so in this case, but I digress.
They come in a couple of varieties, but they are all TWDD.
The first type comes in, their eyes glaze over, and as they saunter out, a man looks at a piece that took 5 weeks to make and whispers to his son, "I could make that."
This type of TWDD don't bother me as much as some other varieties. They are sadly ignorant, and should be pitied. Don't hate them because they are stupid.
Another variety though, is a bit scarier.
These TWDD love my work. They are excited. They think it's beautiful and they want to know how I did it. I try to respond with a polite indication that I don't want to tell them, something like this: "It's a unique process that I developed over a period of about a year and a half."
There are at least three indicators in that sentence to anyone who has social skills and is paying attention that the information is unavailable. They miss all three. They miss the look on my face that I know is there even though I try hard to place a welcoming smile on my face. My face is a screen door to my soul.
They push further and usually try to "tempt" me their ideas. "You know, this would be a great thing to teach!"
Thank you. No.
"This would be perfect to teach to my Kindergarten class."
Thank you. I'd rather use my razorblades on my eyes.
"I've seen this. Remember, Herb? At the craft fair? The lady with all the plates. She put cute things on her plates like Golden Retrievers and John Deere tractors!"
Sigh.
"You know...(this phrase never fails to inspire dread)...you should think about entering a craft show at my school, church, lodge, fill in the blank."
Would you like some wine? I would.
"You're pretty good at this. I've never been crafty like you."
***
That's it. Everybody out. You, with the sweatshirt covered in textured fabric paint and glitter, you go first. Leave. Now.
Ok, I don't really say that...out loud.
Here is the moral to the story and the answer to all of those TWDD questions I have ever heard, and though I would like to think that I have heard them all, I have a deep and abiding faith that out there, just waiting to come into my store and see my pretty crafts...is another TWDD just waiting with just the perfect question. The question to top all questions that will set my teeth on edge, send that wave of nausea through the middle of my body and cause that right eye of mine to start twitching...again. These TWDD's, they all know me as "the craft lady whose eye always twitches when she smiles."
So...
No, you cannot put it in the dishwasher.
If you put it in the microwave it will destroy the finish, and I will want to destroy you.
No, I will not teach you what I have spent 3+ years figuring out myself so that you can go home after two hours and tell everyone, "Eh, I know how to do that."
No, it is not "just perfect" to teach your kindergarten class and it is not decoupage.
No, I cannot "turn these out in mere hours." The one you are letting you 7 year old play with took 4 weeks to make.
Alas, they are not "just like" or "as good as" the plate lady who puts dogs and tractors on her plates.
Yes, fabric is the same as fiber and fabric can be used to create art and sometimes is the art itself.
Yes, it is "just art," and yes, in fact, that was what I was "going for."
What is it's function? If you have to ask, you will never be able to understand the answer.
